Dezember 2014, Bern (Nostalgie)

I miss a lot of things.

I miss going to work for that first time last year.
I miss the smell of smoke and sweat and cardboard boxes in the hallway.
I miss the way my feet hurt every night.

I’m still working there now.

But it’s not the same.
It’s not the “I never want to leave this place”.
It’s more.
It’s less.

My feet still hurt.

I miss seeing Honduras from above.
For the first time.
I miss the feeling of “It’s going to be okay.”
Because it really was, you know?

I miss the song
Chim-Chim-Chiminike!
All day long.
I wanted to listen to it forever.
I didn’t want to lose it.
That song.
It was mine.

I miss the voices.
“Hola Gringa!”
The way they could carress my name.
Every hello came with a hug.
Every hug lasted a lifetime.
Like the song.

Everybody hated the song btw.

I miss the dancing.
I hate dancing
But I was taught to love it.
Hands touching hands.
Lips touching lips.
It was a fairy tale.

But a slutty one.

I miss that side of me.
The “It’s going to be okay” side.
Because it really was, you know?

“One day I’m going to marry you.”
“Okay.”
It’s a promise
That we’ll never keep.
But we mean it
Nevertheless.

I miss eating
Until I need new pants.

“When are you leaving?”
“Never.”

I miss
Myself.

Just a little.
The me that knew
That it was going to be okay.

Because it really was, you know?

(Dezember 2014, Bern)

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